COLLEGE

OMG COLLEGE IS SO FANTASTIC

i love my roommates, i love my campus, i love my classes, i love my boyfriend

the only thing that is crazy is that my books for all of my classes would cost almost one thousand fucking dollars if i bought them USED from the campus bookstore. so i am going to buy them off of amazon. otherwise i seriously would have to whore myself out to pay for it

or at least strip or something

ok

okay so im actually packing now.. and i cant believe that all... well most of my clothes fit in one suitcase. granted, its a REALLY big suitcase, but still. shouldn't I have more clothes than that? i mean, I've been looking at my list of clothes, and i have a tonn of outfit choices so i guess im sort of all set. all i have in my second suitcase at this point is two belts. what else do i have?? i feel like im forgetting something. I guess i'll find that out once i'm actually at college. all i still have to pack are things that i have on hangers, which i probably won't put in suitcases anyways cause i don't want them to get wrinkled.

I just realized that I am exceptionally boring.

well listen to this song

i got it free on itunes a couple days ago and it's probably the best free download that I've ever gotten, other than some of the starbucks downloads.

packing.

im packing for college

this is so weirdd! my whole life has gone by so fast.. and now I'm going to college? i remember everything that happened on my first day of high school. but i don't remember if i felt this way. was i surprised at how fast middle school was over? was i scared then? I probably was. going from a private middle school to a public high school was a crazy transition. Now i'm not scared at all. I'm not worried about college. I mean, I'm a little worried about making friends and I'm a little worried about my classes and stuff. But they have advisors for the classes and there is no way i wont make any friends. So I know those fears aren't that big of a deal. Will I miss my family? I don't even know whether I will be homesick or not. If I miss home, I'm in pretty good shape cause my college is only a little over an hour away from my house but still... It's gonna be so odd not seeing my little brother and sister every day. I wonder if they will miss me. They probably will. I know I'm going to miss them, at least a little bit. Though I feel a little bit anxious about this change in my life, I am more excited than anything.

AH IM SO EXCITED

i can't wait for my life to start.

collegee&hipstermusic

so i find out my schedule tomorroww

super exciting!

anddd i forgot i was writing this so the window has been open for at least a half hour and i dont know what to write about, im sure everything in my blog will be much more exciting once i go to college because apparently exciting things happen in college. i really hope soo

so im living in a suite style dorm room in college. in the suite there are three rooms with two girls in each, a common room and our own bathroom which is awesomeee

i havent told my suitemates about my boyfriend yet, (we are going to the same college..) so i'll have to let them know that he may be staying over some nightss haha

and i have talked to them, and they all seem really really sweet, but i dontt think that any of them party or anything which is a shame but im sure ill find friends who like to go out. who knows maybe the suitemates will turn out to be really wild haha

also, animal collective.

so i feel shitty. awful. dead. however you wanna put it. i am so sick that it hurts to breathe deeply. why am i sick so often? i never used to get sick. this is the worst. :( i dont know what to do, exactly... so i think that i'm just going to go to bed. honestly thats all i can do right now. i'd be surprised if i'm awake past ten.

i havent put up a song in a while... so i think i'm gonna put up a múm song. blow your nose is a great one

Clothes for College

for reasons i don't completely understand, I decided to make a grand list of every item that I am going to bring with me to college. I started my list off with a bold "CLOTHES FOR COLLEGE", but i sat staring at the list for a while, with only that heading in place. what do i write down first? I decided to put down jeans first. I walked over to my dresser and yanked the bottom drawer out. okay so i had two pairs of jeans that fit me well, so, I decided to bring those two pairs and two other pairs that I know are super uncomfortable. I need to buy a new pair of jeans, because all of the ones on the list are like 2 years old. for the next category, I put down 'Pants/Other,' congratulating myself on creating a heading under which I can include sweatpants, leggings, and jeggings.

as I went on, I realized, I have a LOT of clothes. All of the times I have said "I dont have ANYTHING to wear," i was seriously lying. On my list, I have over twenty shirts listed, though I haven't worn even half of them in the last 6 months.

Do I really need all of these clothes? I am now thinking of all of the items of clothing that I did NOT include in the list. I have so many old t-shirts that I never have and never will wear. I have things I've outgrown, but have never taken the time to remove from my closet. Before I go, I think I have to take the time to clean out my closet and take everything that I don't want to Salvation Army or another organization that would be willing to take all this stuff off of my hands.

I used to buy stuff I wanted without thinking how many times I would wear it; if I saw something ridiculously cute and reasonably priced, I would buy it, even if I would only be able to wear it once. Granted, I have never been a shopaholic, and I've always been hesitant to buy anything above twenty dollars. But thinking now, I realize that it would be a lot smarter to buy a $40 shirt that I could mix and match and wear with a lot of outfits than to buy a $25 pair of purple high heels that I think may look cute with something in the future, eventually. The more use you get out of any particular item of clothing, the easier it is to splurge on it.

"everything that i own

starts to pile up like bones

to make the walls of a prison"

i hoped that you could do this for me but now

im fucked up and crying like i used to all the time

crying and sobbing and pounding and crying

i fucking hate how i feel right now

this is like dying

its too loud in here

its too loud in my head

it will never quiet down

these sounds are pounding on my skull from the inside

like the waves break on the shore they hit the sand

over and over and over and over

i am these waves my body flows with the salted waters

my tears mix in one drop for every billion

thats a whole fucking lot of tears

We are not snowflakes.

We want to be famous. No, seriously. We want to be famous. Actually, we just want to have no problems in our lives. We want to be carefree. We want to be able to travel. We want to be able to do things without anxiety. We want to lose weight. We want to write a book. We want to be flawless. We want to be beautiful without even trying.

And so why do we want to be famous? I guess we wanna be special. We want to stand out. We want people to notice us.

"Being famous," we sometimes conclude, "would be a vehicle for the rest of my desires in life."

We wouldn't have to worry about money. We could eat the healthiest foods and the most delicious meals.

How could we ever be famous? We are not anything special.

"So where does that leave me?"

We don't know. Right now, we are nowhere. We are caught in a barren, nameless land. When we look around, we can see many budding oases, way off, far in the distance. If we walk toward any patch of this voracious green growth, it scatters in different directions, none convenient for a person to follow.

"How can any place be called an oasis if there is no chance of reaching it? How can I Wish in the absence of Hope?"

I don't know. Because right now, I am nowhere. I am a grain of sand buried under billions of others, each one almost exactly alike. Or maybe I am one wisp of grass on endless dunes, just as likely to be devoured by some locust or other invasive bug as I am to die unnoticed in a violent coastal storm. Maybe I am one untended country road, potholes so abundant that it is as if the road is not paved at all. I will never be repaved, because no one takes any notice of my condition because I lead nowhere special. Whatever I am, I am not special. I am just like millions of others.

We are not snowflakes. We are mass produced plastic pieces to a useless product that will probably be recalled soon anyways. We are disposable.

"And don't you want to be able to say otherwise?

Well, you can make it that way."

WOLF PARADE

okay so i was gonna go to bed early tonight but then i ended up on the internet, and we all know what the internet does it draws us in, and makes us slaves to the screen. anyways while i was on the internet, i was listening to Wolf Parade's newest album, Expo 86, which i havent really gotten a chance to listen to since i downloaded. and AH i truly like the album, and though i am not as "into" the new songs as I was into their last album, Apologies To the Queen Mary, i am IN LOVE with the song "little golden age". gah its lovely

housing assignments not out yett

okay so im super upset because my housing assignment is not released yet, even though some people say that they have the housing up on their university profiles. whatever i think that someone said that we would be getting emails about where we are living soon, by friday, hopefully.

It is past one in the morning but i am not tired at all. I am listening to eminem's new album. I really like eminem.

also, on an unrelated note, all of a sudden one of my youtube videos got like one hundred views in one night, and at least two dozen AWFUL comments on it! i was really sad cause people were saying pretty mean things about me so i deleted a bunch of them. I hate when people are mean to me it makes me really really sad.

oh and on another unrelated note i just saw despicable me, SO SUPER CUTE omg the littlest girl in the movie is so cute and steve carell is HILARIOUS

and my favorite part is when the little girl says ITS SO FLUFFY IM GONNA DIE about the stuffed unicorn. oh and i couldnt stop laughing in the beginning when the Vector guy was talking to Gru and he has the piranha gun and i almost peed myself.

okay this is the most disjointed blog post ever gah i must be more tired than i thought.

and something about animal collective. super awesome music to be high to.

also, music in general goes well with weed.

Happy August!

Happy August 2010! yayyy

and my housing assignment for college is supposed to come through officially tomorrow, so i am super excited about that. I hope that I get my first choice, because I am really looking forward to living on the campus with the best food and the best gym.

Anyways that's really all I have to say for today.

I'm going to go to the beach soon so I'm not really in the mood to write much. I'm just so excited to swim because yesterday was so cold and rainy that we couldn't possibly have fun at the beach.